It's time to share some background. I have never known myself to be comfortable in my body. Clearly, I have an AWESOME sense of humor and a winning personality but I would rather hide and make you laugh than feel as though someone were really looking at me and seeing me for my weight instead of the whole picture.
I have a large collection of funny t-shirts. Those who know me well know that I am usually wearing one everyday. Some show depictions of bunny cannibalism, others show the brutal murder of jelly donuts, but all of them generally get a reaction. I have literally dozens of them. I could wear one everyday for a month and a half and never repeat the same shirt.
Why do I own them? Because when someone was looking at me, I'd rather have them laugh at whatever was on my shirt than at my size. It's taken me a while to realize that. I would rather be the large funny girl with the weird t-shirts than just the large girl. If I had to go out in public I felt compelled to camouflage myself in humor.
I've seen the looks cast my way when eating in a restaurant. Judgement hurts. Whispers from the skinny elite hurts. Shame hurts. And my knees hurt really fucking bad, too.
I know my words sound harsh, but these were the words I had to say to myself everyday when I started my "lifestyle change". By the way, the term "lifestyle change", while a better alternative to "diet & exercise", I also find to be ridiculous.
Anyhoo. I thought I'd throw this bit of information out there. I'm not all "fuck" and "asshole". I have a soft gooey center, too, much like a Milky Way bar. Jesus, why do I always bring it back to fucking candy bars?
Peace out, fuckers.
