Never get off the boat.

Sometimes we fail. Sometimes we don't even know we are failing until it is too late. Boo-fucking-hoo. I got a frantic phone call today. Someone I love became complacent and now the weight is coming back. Let this be a cautionary tale. You cannot reach a goal and then think you will maintain by not working just as hard. She'll be fine. I have every faith that this was a momentary lapse of judgement. But it should serve as a reminder that we should always be cognizant of what's going on with our bodies.

Willard of Apocalypse Now said it. Never get off the boat. Absolutely goddamn right! As long as you are working your hardest everyday, these things won't happen. Gaining weight can feel horrible, like losing the war. Don't let it stick to you like napalm.

Smell that?

What?

Napalm. Nothing else in the world smells like it. I love the smell of napalm in the morning.... The smell, you know that gasoline smell? The whole hill smelled like....victory. Someday this war is gonna end.

Little Girls and Grown Fucking Women

Little girls are clueless. They've come to college to meet boys, go to parties, and go to class when the hangover isn't so bad. They wear jeggings, or skinny jeans every day, regardless of appropriateness or body-shape. They wear high heels for no particular reason, which is baffling because the walk alone from the parking lot to campus is enough to make you want to cut off your feet, let alone walking around for the rest of the day. If it's not the 4 inch hooker shoes, it's those god-forsaken Uggs. Which is short for Fucking Uggly. Climate alert: It is never cold enough in San Diego to warrant the purchase or wearing of wool shoes.



The most troubling thing I see in young girls on campus, though, is what they are doing to their bodies. Pizza, soda, breakfast burritos, these are things that will stay with you. You can see them walking around, not worrying about what lies before them. Instead of paying so much attention to your stupid outfits and party plans, give some of that attention to what is going on with your body.



I am a grown-ass woman. I will not concede to wearing your silly tight pants, regardless of how fashionable you believe them to be. My hips are of the child-bearing size, I do not need to apply skin-tight denim to that. I will wear comfortable (but cute) shoes that get me from point A to point B dozens of times a day. I have also had the joy (or curse) of having large breasts, regardless of my waist size, so I will not be wearing tank-tops. I am not competing with these girls, thank science, but I can't help but notice our differences every single moment I am in school.



I guess I bring all this up because it was recently pointed out to me that I do not dress like a typical college student. Well, I am NOT a typical college student. I am finally comfortable with my body (mostly). I know what looks good on me and what is a fad for little girls. I'm going to show a little leg (because they are gorgeous, if I do say so myself), and a little cleavage (because mine is awesome), and I'm going to be a grown fucking woman.

This Should Be an Easy Choice

Fucking Hypocrite

You need to hold my still slightly fat ass accountable. In all my bitching about losing weight and becoming healthy I neglected to mention I smoke. Well, yes, I fucking lied by omission. You got me. I lose. I'm still an asshole. BUT....It's been well over 48 hours since my last cigarette and I think this might actually take. I'm not quitting cold turkey, like I have before. I'm using an eCigarette to curb nicotine cravings and oral fixations (I giggle EVERY time I type oral). I plan to use the eCig for a month and then quit that as well.

I used to joke that "quitters never win". That's when I was fat. That's when I was kidding myself and making jokes to deflect attention to my double chins. If I can lose all this fucking weight I can do anything. It's mind over body. Cravings will eventually subside and my lungs will happily reward my efforts.

So that's it. I wanted you to know that I'm still alive, I still workout religiously, and I'm still losing weight the slow and hard way (there I go with those damned BJ jokes again). Now I can add years to my life. My hot, sexy, skinny bitch life.