"Me time"

When I'm getting sweaty, that is my own time. I don't have to talk to anyone else, I don't have to please else, and I sure as hell don't have to worry about anyone else. It's fan-fucking-tastic. My way of closing off the rest of the world involves my iPod. Once those earbuds are in you can bet I don't give a shit what anyone else is doing.

An iPod is a wonderful thing. You have no idea what I'm listening to in order to keep pace or pass the time. I have a diverse musical repertoire that I like to keep in rotation, some of which could be surprising to my peers at the gym. Some of my favorite songs to work out to include: The Beautiful People by Marilyn Manson, Superman by Eminem, Grace Kelly by MIKA, Map of the Problematique by Muse, Auf Achse by Franz Ferdinand, SexyBack by Justin Timberlake, Bad Romance by Lady Gaga, Blue Monday by Candy Ass , and....wait for it....Botch-a-Me by Rosemary Clooney. It's an eclectic mix for sure. I try to keep at least 3 hours worth of music in a playlist filled with songs that have a substantial rhythm. I hit the "shuffle" button on my playlist and lord only knows what song will be playing next. Sometimes it makes me giggle (especially when Rosemary Clooney or Judy Garland is followed by Kanye West) and that keeps me interested in what I'm doing.

Don't like to listen to music? That's what they've invented podcasts for! I do find that sometimes, especially if I'm doing a walk around the neighborhood instead of doing the gym thing, a nice hour long podcast helps pass the time quite nicely. There are some really great podcasts out there, too. I subscribe to The Nerdist, Savage Love, This American Life, WNYC's Radiolab, Wait Wait Don't Tell Me, Fresh Air with Terry Gross, Car Talk and Adam Corolla. My favorites are This American Life, Radiolab and The Nerdist because those are the ones that I'm more likely to either learn something from, be inspired by, or have one of those moments when I'm so consumed by what I'm listening to that I will intentionally walk longer and harder just so that I can hear more.

It's important not to become bored because that is one sure-as-shit way to stop doing what you need to be doing. Find something that inspires you to stay outside or on the treadmill. Then fucking listen to it.

Motivation: An Asshole's Frenemy.

It might be the hardest part of working out and dieting. Staying motivated can be a difficult bitch of a problem. One way I've found to be useful is to set short and long term goals that are realistic.

Short term goals can be anything you might be able to attain or measure in the coming weeks. For example; I would like to lose another 2-3 inches from my waist before the end of August. With that in mind I've set up weekly goals with regards to my workout schedule and food intake. In the next two months I plan on working out at least 8-10 hours a week. 5-6 hours of that will be cardio and the rest will be broken down between weight lifting and working my core muscles. I've arranged my weekly schedules to allow for 45 minutes to 2 hours of exercise a day.

I know I've mentioned in the past how important it is to do the work and refrain from finding excuses to avoid moving, but I cannot stress that importance enough. For me, I find the earlier I wake up the more likely I am to get my workout over and done with for the day. I personally find that if I wake up at 5am I can have my workout done with enough time to get school or work done and my metabolism is in overdrive for the rest of the day. I should also mention that I'm in a situation that lends itself to waking early and going to bed early because I have no social life. If you are so lucky as to have a social life, perhaps swinging by the gym after work or school might be easier for you.

As for my longterm goals, I have several different time-frames I'm working towards. I am 25 lbs away from being "normal" for my height. I would like to have that accomplished by Christmas of this year. I'm going back to my hometown and my motivation is the shocked look on the faces of my loved ones once they see me for the first time in almost two years.

By next summer (summer of 2011) I would like to be toned enough to wear a bikini. I have never worn one in my adult life and they fascinate me. I cannot wait to go to the beach wearing a cute bikini and not be concerned about bulges and lumps. Once I've reached the point where that is possible I will be able to enter a "maintenance" routine.

I want to be able to wear one of those cute strapless halter summer dresses. Or being able to wear a sleeveless shirt at all and not have that jiggly part of my upper arm flapping when I make a gesture. That keeps me motivated because I can visualize that happening in the relatively near future.

I want to walk into a room of people and not look around to see if I'm the fattest person in the room. I've done that almost all of my life and it sucks. I wonder if others do that. Is that just my problem?

This is not a sprint, it is a lifelong fucking marathon. I cannot allow myself to ever become the fat-ass funny girl at parties. I want to be the fine-ass funny girl instead. Setting goals and being motivated to achieve them can be painful, but it is required. Pain is temporary, giving up is forever.

I'd like to know what motivates you. What are your goals?

Inspiration vs. Stupidity

So something I find motivational is watching television shows dealing with others and their weightloss stories. There are some pretty good shows out there. And then there is the Biggest Loser. I finally forced myself to watch an episode because it's been recommended to me by several people. Prior to watching I already hated the show because it was the most unrealistic weight loss program with extreme results.

The Biggest Loser, in my opinion, is the horrible result from the meeting of reality show bullshit and our need to see something exceptionally rare happen very quickly. Like when the house of a hoarder gets cleared out and professionally decorated in a weekend. Or when someone's condemned house is demolished and turned into a McMansion for the owner and his entire disabled family in a mere 7 days. The Biggest Loser, however, seeks to take the morbidly obese and turn them into personal trainers in one season of television. Some people are losing dozens of pounds in days for Christ's sake!

I just don't understand how that can be healthy. The network must have paid some doctors to approve the workloads for these people because the show is ridiculous. Also, it allows the viewer to assume these results might be attainable in a similar time frame. When it doesn't, though, it allows the viewer to also lose hope and continue to be unhealthy and watching reality tv instead of doing something for themselves.

There are some good shows out there, though. I'd recommend Ruby on the Style Network. She is a work in progress. At her heaviest she was over 700 lbs. Now she is just under 300. It has taken a long time but she goes about it with the right priorities. She exercises religiously and is conscious of her food intake. She also has a great support system. That is really important, too, but that's another post.

I also like You Are What You Eat on the BBC. Host Gillian McKeith does use some scare tactics, but her food and exercise advice is spot on. I've also learned some interesting meal ideas from watching her. She makes food look exciting and fresh and her end goal is health and the weight removes itself quickly in becoming healthy.

I've heard recently that The Biggest Loser will be making changes to the show to make it more realistic. I hope that's the case. It's amazing that they believe that after months of working out every day, 5-8 hours a day, that the average contestant is going to go back to their normal lives and maintain or continue to lose. They have been setting these people up for disaster. I may give another try if they fix some major problems, but for now I don't find them to be inspirational at all, I find them to be assholes.

The worst spots are the best.

Parking lots are your friends. Why bother looking for the perfect spot when they have plenty of open spots available at the very far end. You should always be looking for ways to increase the amount of energy spent moving.

I'm not a fan of malls. I'm just not that girl. But when I do find myself in a situation where I'm going shopping, either for groceries or in the big box stores, I take advantage of the ample parking in the farthest part of the lot. If it's a big lot, that can be an additional quarter miles you've walked for the day. Also, taking the stairs whenever possible, instead of elevators or escalators, is a great habit to get into.

Find a fucking way to make yourself move more than normal. What is within walking distance from your home? I can walk to a drugstore, coffee shop, grocery store, and a frozen yogurt shop from my house. I take any opportunity to make the walk instead of the drive when going to these places. It's exercise without "working out".

Look for opportunities to walk as much as possible. It's an extra couple minutes of working off what ever asshole lunch you may have consumed. What are you waiting for? FUCKING WALK ALREADY!

Small victories.

Something new I've learned about myself? I fucking LOVE belts. You know what you can do with belts? See tangible progress. It's fucking awesome.

The first few weeks of starting an exercise program are ridiculously difficult and frustrating. You are still fat, but now you are also sore, sweaty, out-of-breath and exhausted. It sucks. I always thought that once you started moving the weight would just shed off and then maintenance would be the only issue. Fucking wrong. It's an excruciatingly long process. After about week two, the out-of-breathness and soreness goes away, but you are still chugging along with major extra baggage. You didn't think I was going to tell you this is a quick and easy process, did you? This is going to take time, and a shit-load of it.

After about 3-4 weeks of watching your caloric intake and vigorously exercising you will notice something amazing. Your pants will be a couple inches too big. You might not have even noticed this when looking in the mirror, but pant size does not fucking lie. Buy a belt. You will love it. I like to wear a belt until my pants are about 2 sized to big before I invest in a new pair of "transition jeans". It is so rewarding. The belt notches keep going down and each one is something to celebrate.

Fat is a funny thing. You may not technically be "losing" weight, but your body will readjust and possibly redistribute your weight. You will start getting smaller, slowly but surely, and while the scale can be a scary fucking place, your belt will be your friend.

As I've said before, the healthiest amount of weight to lose in one week is 1-2 lbs. You might not be able to see those kinds of results immediately, but your belt will show you all of your results. Even the bad ones. From now on your belt is not a fashion accessory, it's an asshole indicator.

Fatty's and Assholes at the Gym.

I used to think that if I were to do exercise in a public area, whether it be my neighborhood or a gym, people would laugh at me or talk about me behind my back. "Check out the fatty walking over there." "What does she think she's doing?" You know what, though? That is a bunch of bullshit.

At this point in my weight loss I have lost 50 pounds and need to lose about 30 more before I'm at a "normal" weight. It's a slow and steady process, but I'm working hard and sweating a lot. When I'm at the gym I am not the biggest girl there anymore and while that makes me happy, I can say definitively that when I see a bigger person at the gym working out, my first fucking thought is "Good for them." Seriously. We aren't children, why are we afraid that other's will treat us like children?

If somebody were to go out of their fucking way to make you feel bad about bettering yourself are you really worried about what they think anyway? You can lose weight, they will always be a dickface. Whatever is keeping you from working out, you need to wrap your brain around that and confront it. No one is laughing at you, no one is going to say anything to you, probably, no one even fucking cares that you are doing it. It's easy to project your own worries and assign them to others, it's harder to walk out your front door and get sweaty for an hour or two.

Don't sweat the small shit, sweat the long fucking walk you are about to take.

Look at it, part 2: Electric Boogaloo

Something else that is important when it comes to losing weight is figuring out what the fuck happened to make you so fat. This is where I admit to being a binge-eater.

That is something it took me a LONG time to admit. While I never played sports as a child, I maintain that I was fairly active. In the summer I spent all day, every day at the pool swimming until I was completely exhausted. Throughout the school year I played in gym and on the playground. I wasn't the skinniest thing in the world, but I was by no means obese either. Somewhere in my early twenties, however, something changed. Maybe it was the pot, maybe it was that I opted to not go right on to college, maybe it was because my idea of a good time involved hanging out at coffee shops with my friends instead of doing something active, but SOMETHING I was doing was allowing me to eat until it hurt.

It's painful to think that I was so consumed by food. I liked to think that I was a foodie who only over indulged when it was a particularly good food, but I was also redefining what "good" meant. "You know who has the best cheap pizza?" "That is my favorite kind of Little Debbie." "Krispey Kreme doughnuts are so fucking good!"

My eating disorder had taken over my life. I had to recognize it for what it was before I could do anything. It's helpful to ask yourself what has caused your current situation. Look at your eating history, your relationship with food. Is it a form of entertainment? Is it something to do when you are bored? Do you hide empty food containers from loved ones? Do you find yourself eating ALL of something instead of a normal portion size?

I still deal with this everyday. It's constant fucking vigilance to make sure I'm eating normally. Sometimes I falter and have an "asshole moment". The thing is, I can't dwell on it once it's done. I have to keep my binges to a bare minimum, especially during PMS, and try to avoid them ahead of time if I know I'm putting myself in a potential binging situation.

So here's the TL;DR version. Figure out what you are doing to sabatoge your weight-loss. And stop dwelling on your asshole past.

Look at it.

A few years ago I lived in this kick-ass apartment with my boyfriend. It was the perfect set up. It was a duplex with large square footage and two of our best friends lived on the other half. I had a great kitchen and a large living room that could seat 6-10 of my closest friends. We had a room for a pool table and a large back patio. In all that awesomeness you know what I didn't have anywhere in the apartment? A full size mirror.

I thought I was a normal size. I had small mirrors in the bathroom, but otherwise I was never forced to look at myself. I could rationalize that reflections in car windows or glass doors were exaggerated. I had no idea what a fat-ass I had become.

When you stand on a scale, you can take that number and figure out a way to make that okay. "Well, you see, I have large breasts, so a lot of that weight is accounted for." "I'm taller than normal, so this number should be larger, too." To avoid such a stupid line of logic it is so fucking helpful to spend some time looking at your relative size to the space around you. Stand in front of the mirror for a while. Take it in. Try on a couple outfits and see what you really look like instead of what you think you look like. It can cause a fucking epiphany.

Measure your waist. Do it. Check out THAT number. If you are male, you chance for heart disease is huge if your waist is over 42 inches. If you are female that number should be 35. What is your number? You need to know this and you need to know your goals. How many inches do you need to lose to be healthy?

Spend some time looking at yourself and your size. For real. The numbers might come as a complete fucking shock but you need to start investigating your body and know what's going on with it. Health care costs will only get worse as we get older and fixing our size and intake is only going to prevent the bills from getting larger.

Hang a full length mirror somewhere in your house and spend some time with it. As you continue to work out and watch your food intake that mirror will keep you motivated and be the first to congratulate you on your achievements. A few months ago I walked into the kitchen and passed the mirror and caught my silhouette for a split second and didn't recognize the image. That felt so fucking good. You will fucking love it, too.

Achilles heel

I love peanut butter. I LOVE peanut butter. I love crunchy peanut butter, I love creamy peanut butter. I love peanut butter cookies and ice cream. I love peanut butter and banana sandwiches. I love spoonfuls of peanut butter.

With that said, I no longer keep peanut butter in my kitchen because it is my fucking Achilles heel. It is impossible to keep a jar of peanut butter in my house for occasional, casual snacking. If it is in my pantry I will continue to eat it. I have not purchased a jar in almost a year and while I miss it and think of it often, it's the best thing I could have done for myself.

What is it that you keep in your kitchen to sabotage yourself? This is why cleaning out your pantry and starting with a fresh, guilt-free kitchen is absolutely necessary. Your kitchen should be your sanctuary. It should be the place in your house that provides nourishment to your body, not where you feel guilt for binging on potato chips or Little Debbies. You should be able to fucking walk into your kitchen, pull anything out of the cupboard or refrigerator and not worry about it.

It takes a while to get used to the idea that having your favorite item not readily available is a good thing. Suck it up and fucking deal with it. Maybe if you weren't shoving the cookies down your fucking pie-hole you wouldn't be in this predicament in the first place. Once you've gotten used to snacking on apples or oranges you will start to crave them instead. I consider my greatest achievement to be the month when my PMS cravings sent me into a Granny Smith apple frenzy instead of a tub of peanut butter.

Figure out what you need to get rid of and do it now. It's fucking liberating.