That is something it took me a LONG time to admit. While I never played sports as a child, I maintain that I was fairly active. In the summer I spent all day, every day at the pool swimming until I was completely exhausted. Throughout the school year I played in gym and on the playground. I wasn't the skinniest thing in the world, but I was by no means obese either. Somewhere in my early twenties, however, something changed. Maybe it was the pot, maybe it was that I opted to not go right on to college, maybe it was because my idea of a good time involved hanging out at coffee shops with my friends instead of doing something active, but SOMETHING I was doing was allowing me to eat until it hurt.
It's painful to think that I was so consumed by food. I liked to think that I was a foodie who only over indulged when it was a particularly good food, but I was also redefining what "good" meant. "You know who has the best cheap pizza?" "That is my favorite kind of Little Debbie." "Krispey Kreme doughnuts are so fucking good!"
My eating disorder had taken over my life. I had to recognize it for what it was before I could do anything. It's helpful to ask yourself what has caused your current situation. Look at your eating history, your relationship with food. Is it a form of entertainment? Is it something to do when you are bored? Do you hide empty food containers from loved ones? Do you find yourself eating ALL of something instead of a normal portion size?
I still deal with this everyday. It's constant fucking vigilance to make sure I'm eating normally. Sometimes I falter and have an "asshole moment". The thing is, I can't dwell on it once it's done. I have to keep my binges to a bare minimum, especially during PMS, and try to avoid them ahead of time if I know I'm putting myself in a potential binging situation.
So here's the TL;DR version. Figure out what you are doing to sabatoge your weight-loss. And stop dwelling on your asshole past.
